vietnamese weddings.

i didn't know a single vietnamese until i met hoan.  and it is through hoan that i met all the other vietnamese that i know.  maybe i knew some viet/ chinese but they were basically chinese.  i never even ate pho till college.  slowly, i was not only introduced to the standard experiences of vietnamese food, culture and family, but also a very obvious and hilarious introduction to it's stereotypes.  being the observant traveller, after a work trips and tourist trips to vietnam and working with the local people there, i thought i had put together a decent depiction of the overall viet culture (close to chinese) and also it's adapted culture in the us.  and it's always when you think u have a grasp on things, when u realize that you know nothing at all.

thao's catholic vietnamese.  so we went to a church ceremony.  i figure, it's a rich viet community down there, cuz they own their own 1000 seater costco of a church.  stained glass windows, 4 aisles of pews...i think it must have been 50 foot ceilings.  if not more.  we got there a little late.  or so it seemed.  by 12.06 when we entered, the bride and groom were already up there. kneeling.  ??  we sat on the groom side of the wedding by accident.  right behind a group of meathead viet guys with dragon sleeve tattoo's, jeans, affliction collared shirts and an affliction style blazer, unhemmed seams and gothic writing on the back.  we saw them the night before.  they were interesting.  but i'll get to that later.  anyways, just as our asses got situated to a quasi comfortable position that hid sun glare, propped the bloated hangover belly without hanging over the belt, and neck holding up the head at the right angle for whispering and checking out girls in the opposite pews...just as we got comfortable,  everyone got up.  the priest prayed.  he then sang.  the choir sang.  then we sat.  then we knelt. then we got up.  then we sat. then we sang again.  then we knelt. then we prayed.  then someone else prayed.  then we sang. then we prayed. then we knelt. then then then.  then they got married. cuz i think they kissed.  and we all clapped.  i looked over and chung.  and he looked back at me.  both in relief.  we look over at hoan.  and he goes.  now it's time for mass.  this wedding was entirely in vietnamese.  a language that i have zero grasp on.  other than to make fun of it's nasal NG undertones.  we didn't know to laugh.  or cry.  or laugh at hoan when he knew the songs.  or just laugh at hoan cuz his size 36 suit with his 27 inch waist made him probably the prettiest person there.  i mean.  he was really pretty.  and unfortunately so were we. 

the night before.  the girls hosted a welcoming bbq at the house.  we got there, took our shoes off and sisters were serving us food.  delicious homemade noodles.  they had ribs on the table which were amazing as well.  i couldn't eat that much food cuz i was hurting from the night before and was worried about drinking and driving.  after eating. we stepped outside to meet all the dudes.  all the guys that were friends with thao's husband.  it was a binghampton house party there.  the house was a modern version of edward scissorhands america.  uniform development with standard garage and grass in front and backyard.  we step to the backyard and there was blue tarp covering the concrete patio.  citronella tubs lit.  and it looked like a vietnamese gang bbqing.  costco chairs lined up for the girls.  a cooler of heinekens.  a crock pot of nacho cheese. one torch lamp.  and a 90's style boom box with 3 disc cd changer and cassette player.  probably a jvc.  haha.  they were awesomely friendly.  just huge.  and scary looking.  and they loved to down heinekens.  and we had no problem with that.  just one difference.  we use bottle openers.  and dont know how to get around not having one.  they apparently can either use lighters.  or just use another bottle or use their teeth.  i guess that's one thing we missed from not going to a state school.  viets like their heineken and they like their remy.  we don't care.  we'll take'em down.  and take them down too.  hahaa.  we're seasoned.  chung is a monster.

lately we've found ourselves commenting on the domesticated women.  and the culture of a female being service oriented. this doesn't mean they are less.  just means they do more in terms of chores.  is it in the viet culture for women to just serve men?  everytime a drop of food or beer was on the floor.  there were 2 sisters on cleanup duty....even before i had located the towels in my sightline.  it's always refreshing for me.  other than the fact that i'm uber domesticated.  i dont think i've ever dated any girl who can cook.  anyways, we as a triumverate were blatantly out of the place.  too metro.  too easy going.  having too much fun.  and getting along too well with all the women.  regardless of their marital status.  we had so much fun, we didnt know there was raucous outside that caused the asian costco wedding center to get locked down by cops.  while parents trickled back in to sit and wait to be released.  we were hunting down unfinished bottles of champagne on neighboring tables.  therein lies the difference btwn a lover and a fighter.  quote unquote. lawrence chen. 

larry and doug were in houston too.  they had their own weedding to attend.  clara's wedding.  i wanted to stop by.  but with the fight going on.  we coudln't.  we did make a deal with them.  that we'd send each other pics of the wedding.  and match.  one hot girl for one hot girl.  one mom for one mom.  one boob shot for one boob shot.  and so forth.  i sent them everything.  i got nothing.  they said they had nothing.  and we had everything.  i believe it.  there were a lot of girls. a lot.  and a lot of moms.  and a lot of baby mamas.  and a lot of girls with boyfriends.  but hey.  we were kosher.  we had fun.

"we went to the viet of all viet clubs"
"oh...u went to pravada?"
hahaha...i guess people know about that dingy black box of a shithole that has all darkskinned asians flocking to order fried chicken wings and down half plastic glasses of patron.  we were too trashed at that point to care.  but it was interesting nonetheless.  fully immersed in the culture.  for sure.  that was the night before.  we flew down to houston for a vietnamese wedding.  but we found ourselves mired in a sea of viet food in btwn the wedding.  during the wedding. and then spent the entire day afterwards in a vietnamese mall.  its ur standard hk supermarket type mall.  cd stores, salons. bakerys. noodle stands. stationary shops.  it was even called hk market.  but everything was unmistakably viet.  we asked hoan "u must love it here"....he replied "i like being here with my people.  i don't like viet thugs"

and so...in no order...=)