i effed up. i effed up big time. and i feel bad. i really feel bad. i'm sorry man. really im sorry. no buts.  i'm sorry.  don't u worry. im getting my visa as we speak. be there soon enough to make it up to you.....picking up phones when u're drunk is a bad thing....hahaha....except for will.

ANYWAY...as posted prior, the big host of dong guan was awesomely hospitable again....but he had some new youth....and the re-addition of the other chen back on his side, back on his team...and this time...it's FOR GOOD....we started off looping around big streets looking for a dirt entrance between buildings.  we found what could have been a side street into the basement garage of some big skyscraper.  instead, it was a neighboring dirt road that led into the posterior jungle which lay "TU JI MEN".  WILD CHICKEN RESTAURANT.    u sat in little dingly patchwork wood frame huts, sat on stools, ate local cuisine and drank liquor.  larry bought a fake smirnoff....tried to tell me it was cutom to mix it with beer.  i made the mistake of calling zhu dong uncle and he called me "peer" all night, that led to "shi shua shua" and the attempt to polish 4 cases of beer. 

this lifestyle is killer. how do they do it?  c'est la vie.  anyways....back to the food.  their house special is the wild chicken.  and it was just your classic roasted chicken.  tasted amazing.  none of that grain fed western chicken where the breast is genetically enhanced to be bigger and overall fed to be meatier, this is wild chicken, where the myoglobin runs rampant, the dark meat rules all and it's preferred in this part of the world, a weak looking drumstick.  i wanted to take more pictures, but here is the question for all, aren't there times when it is just inappropriate to keep taking pictures of food?  how do you guys do it?  i snuck some in.



later on that night....i learned a new game.  poker with dice. shots intimidatingly lined up.  lowest hand drinks until he no longer has the lowest hand.  cheerio!




who would have ever thought that the man who gets a perm is really a global humanitarian at heart.  his socially aggressive eccentric ways of the world are in actuality all part of a master plan to make a much broader impact.  "great power comes great responsibility" - spiderman? after the perm....spiderhead.  we went for a foot massage yesterday and i pulled out the laptop and realized, this is like best of all worlds for me. 

so the last time i was in the DG i met a jew, an italian and a canadian italian.  this time it's spaniard, spaniard, spaniard, italian.  and boy am i glad im here.  JAMON!  i love jamon!  straight from spain.  i love spanish jamon much better than italian prosciutto.  if that wasn't enough pipi, onans dad, is going to be making paella tomorrow (rabbit, seafood).  it's gonna be soo toite. im just thinking the big cast iron pan with the propane burner like u see on the travel channel.

herman, patch peed with one leg up for the first time says owen. his balls are starting to hang. so we're gonna throw him a bar mitz vah this weekend and take him to candy for dogs.  in addition, i beat owen at fight night. then when we had the rematch....i was killing him, cut both eyes into the sixth round.  but my thumb blisters started hurting so bad that they gave way to some sucker parry + punch combos and i got knocked out....it's 1:1.  deciding match tonight!


















there's always the line "hey...hook me up with your friends"

but people (GIRLS) always seem to be so wary of hooking people up where they think they'll treat them wrong or pre judging them as bad mate candidates....

so there's the new line

"hey, you know anyone u hate? ....that is good looking or cute?...we'll put the smash on"




May 30, 2007















Sperm: The new crack




In perhaps the best titled article ever, "Crying Over Spilled Semen," Psychology Today reports on a study that basically says women are addicted to semen. Hilarious.



The finding that women who do not use condoms during sex
are less depressed and less likely to attempt suicide than are women
who have sex with condoms and women who are not sexually active, leads
one researcher to conclude that semen contains powerfulnd potentially
addictiveood-altering chemicals.

Study author Gordon G. Gallup, Ph.D., a psychologist at the State
University of New York in Albany, also found that women who routinely
had intercourse without condoms became increasingly depressed as more
time elapsed since their last sexual encounter. There was no such
correlation for women whose partners regularly used condoms.



Gallup also found that women who did not use condoms were most
likely to initiate sex and to seek out new partners as soon as a
relationship ended: "These women are more vulnerable to the rebound
effect, which suggests that there is a chemical dependency."



Gallup also says he's planning on examining whether "semen withdrawal" places women at an increased risk for depression. Yeah. Well I guess the best way to avoid semen addiction is to never get started. I'm sure that will go over well.






Posted by Jessica at 11:24 AM
| in Humor
, Sex



i'm a dork. i know.





vegeoil, diesel, alternate energy.

"do i bring the elitism out in people? or do i just hang out with elitists?"...


"we're just born better" - grace yuk lee....



30 going on 13.


sweat stain....(she's married to my cousin....relax boys)




this is the reason why i need to upgrade to an SLR. i really really love taking pictures of food...and i want to practice on the composition of the foto in addition to messing around with the focus and lens etc...alice took this one...tea at the mandarin



the best thing that happened to "cousin in law" since sliced bread......3 hours of me talking up a storm.  with grace fueling my big mouth and alice being on the same page with me due to her knowledge of the inner workings of my family...i went on a 2 hour bitter, bitter rant.  which was very justified due to the events that unfolded at dinner....





im one of those people who latch onto the interests of my friends.  i cling onto their passion to fuel my innate curiosities of everything.  it's interesting to walk around with people who work in creative departments.  people in fashion will point out things on the street from a fashion trend perspective and alice, a interior design person, will point out the architectural perspectives....she logs all the hotels she's ever stayed in....

landmark mandarin oriental hk.  the bathroom is half the room. a circular wall juts out midway to cut the bathroom alongside the window from the bedroom hence creating a living room.  apparently standard hotel rooms aren't perfect rectangles and this one being symmetrical, was designed without the orthodox bathroom facing or next to closet layout...wutta confusingly shitty description.  im lazy. look at the pics.










2 beers at dimsum.


and with alice being on vacation, grace on spring break and larry craving liquor...4pm happy hour.


strawberry sex- the conversation was already teeming with ridiculous hilarious topics that while alice told "the story" (read below) in the cab, we laughed so hard that the cab driver juiced up the radio to blow us out....BAD KIDS BAD....and somewhere along "the story" references, we got onto the subject of hair.....

larry has this huge issue with my vanity.  in fact, he goes one step
beyond condemning ways of metrosexual grooming and has lectured on his
dissapproval of the entire fashion industry.  if it's not muscle bound,
machismo filled, protein laden, male on male grappling themed,
equestrian faced, or sleeveless, he wants nothing to do with it.  and
yet today...dot dot dot...pomma.  FUGGIN POMMA.

before....


during...larry of course being drunk, was passing out everywhere.





after.


since he signed up for a queer eye makeover and graceYUKlee wanted a haircut...alice and i agreed on the hairwash.  i got shafted with the worst service ever.  i literally just got my hair washed with zero massage.  they offered me no beverage and since the woman who blow dried and put product in my hair was a creative stylists, she charged me effin 180HKD...anything less than the cheapest shit on their price list was a fuggin ridiculous.  the other 3 on the other hand, although they got what they signed up for at 1k each, the end result was so shitty, larry went up to his stylists and made her tear "this haircut is ugly, i wanted something else and u gave me this"...hahaha....



we went to eat. larry didn't stop being ridiculous.  he smashed his face into a plate of rice with some chilli residue in it....it got in his eye...hahaha....



karaoke.








"the story"

doctors tend to have a way about being very blase when it comes to matters of the body.  warren is not only a doctor who speaks of bodily matters technically blase but also happens to be the head of the taiwanese brazilian jujitsu team.  Ergo he is quite the role model for young 20 year old impressionable boys.  specifically, this one 20 year old virgin who confided in him that with his new girlfriend just your orthodox up the procreation hole wasn't enough to satisfy his libido.  he wanted the yin to that yang and told warren that he wanted to give the pooper a good run around.   warren yawned, and with no further hesitation gave the proper "the backdoor is a different  you gotta make sure you clean it out, do the whole enema deal...etc" speech

the kid, heeding the wisdom of the great jujitsu doctor, took a practical approach to his new knowledge.  so one day, while taking a shower with his girlfriend he unscrewed the showerhead, and jammed the hose up his gf's butt.  HAAAAAAAAAAA.  then he got all frantic and shut off the water because the girl started to poop in the shower.   HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

the girl of course broke up with him.  she actually started to date the neighboring dorm buddy and now makes a point to shriek in ecstasy loud enough for him to hear it. 

oh man....can you just imagine the references to this story that ensued?


there's actually another story about the words gay and fag etched in my arm and a 'friends(tv show) eff u elbow tap gesture' alongside a  "with your powers combined i am captain homo" rant...only to be finished off with a "chasing amy/bionic seven" hadooken uppercut.  BUT, i dont know how to tell that one online.