decency.

this whole topic of respect and decency has been rearing its head at me over and over as of late.  im trying to take things one day at a time and change that perspective of me retroactively.  i want respect, i want legitimacy.  to which ec commented "on one hand you're trying to convince people to change their perception, but at the same time you're engaging in activity that supports the status quo. mixed messages.  i dont think you can disect and compartementalize that that. it all rolls up. into you. alexander chin."  but then i needed to rephrase...i want the basic things out of people...."be respectful in front of my parents, no spitting faces, no hitting on the girl u're talking to, no cigarette butts in the backyard...esp at 30"...im no longer talking about respect, its the basics of decency.  to which this was added "looking back, the elevator music that washed the dishes was a good thing.  at times she knows how to put on the show.  懂得做人。and sometimes that's what its all about. keeping appearances.  which is why i like her on my arm in public.  

"i know u are not shallow and vain. deep down u are soft heart."

i would argue that deep down has no relevance, because you're being evaluated on what can be perceived. as we become more 'adult' the hope is that the public persona falles more in line with your 'deep down' persona. part of that is knowing who you are, what you want, and being secure about it.

and which it brings to have to also add that my public admittance of vanity is taken w a huge slab of comedic relief based on the assumption that my friends know me well enough that i'm not that vain and superficial.  or it's the assumption that people as a whole know that if one person is so one-sided with their blatant acknowledgement of superficial things, it must be a joke.  i'm slowly realizing i give people too much credit.  apparently people are really starting to think that i only care about looks.  granted i've been known to be a bad judge of character, but bottom line is that i take things one day of fun at a time, and really, my mind whirls in all directions and a pretty face with nothing behind it couldn't keep up.  it'd bore me. 

so something came up last night...and as much as i love eggyo....i was like...ok...we have an issue here...cut the whining out.  fix it.  use ur brain and not the whining. and u can go back to eggyo after.  it wasn't the situation that annoyed, it was the whining.  there was no room for whining when u're trying to find a solution.  

'u cant be that shallow. u get bored too easily! addult A.D.D. ure mind goes 100 MPH.'

"i argue that if a person gets bored easily/quickly, they are in fact, shallow. if you want to know the deep down, its going to take time, you're going to have to invest."

"problem is. i do invest.  i go out every night."

"you're like the Russell 1000 at least trim it down to s&p 500"

i don't understand why women dumb themselves down.  choosing to dumb urself is befuddling.  and to totally avoid that intellectual side is also befuddling.  it's self self limiting.  we talk about the cali girl rule all the time.  female lawyers, doctors all somewhat act 10 IQ points lower than what they are probably capable of.  much smarter than me for sure, but how do they lack common sense in simple conversations.  this is not a book smart versus street smart conversation, this is a self portrayal conversation.  and then so, there are women that completely shut off and avoid the conversation once something of depth is approached.  "oh yea u were there during elections...what were the people saying of thaksin?  how's the king?...can you believe how much money thaksin's embezzled? etc..." to which, all it took was one interruption to flow the conversation right back to "omg, we stayed at this awesome place in bangkok....i want to plan another trip....they had these cute.....ARGH"