no one wants dinner with me?

seriously, what's the point of working out when not eating dinner is so much easier.  but realistically, how many days can you do that?  before you feel light headed and all you want for lunch is yukhwejang.  and then for dinner all you want is odaengtang?  and then while you're at dinner 4 of your friends show up that u saw 2 days ago completely obliterated and then proceed to order more sake.  and then i get a call and realize im losing 100k.  so i drink more myself.  and just cuz dan wants to crash, i obvioulsy can't go home when i want to.  " i want to sing.  i need to practice"  and so that's how that went. 

what was interesting is that dan and i are completely opposites.  in this i mean, we fundamentally want the same thing, but when you talk to each of us, the manner in which we go about advice, conversation etc is completely opposite.  i'll speak of people and give a floating values to variables such as human emotion and realize these are necessary steps to maybe stabillize future decisions.  where as dan will use a lot of conditionals, shoulds and coulds, because he believes that the floating variables in life are 'wrong' and that u can curb these temptations and push through to do what is 'right'.  i could use some firmer moral fiber, and maybe he could use some more moral flex.

on top of needing firmer moral fiber.  i think i need to be firmer in who i am as a person.  what i stand for rather than being that happy go lucky passive aggressive person that gives others too much credit and wait for others to act accordingly.   continued moments of self reflection has also made me realize the need to just say how i feel and what i want.  i don't want pity from people.  most of my decisions have its consequences priced in.  as bad as the situation that may fall upon me, the onus is on myself.  there's nothing to talk to anyone about, there's nothing to fundamentally say.  but if you know me, and know how i feel, i actually do have feelings too.  things bother me.