ck

Christian just so happened to be in town for an interview so i cleared out the day to sit and have a chat with him before he hit the airport.  and with the traffic getting more and more horrendous in jakarta...5km took me an hour.  i was late.  but christian didnt panic.  he knew this country.  he landed, smelled the humidity, the burning plastic and breathed in the nostalgia of his previous stint in another third world city, cairo.  and so i told him to use the bathroom before getting in the car...and we headed to plaza indonesia...then skye bar.

we had a long conversation about everything.  it was a good talk.  it was almost like a "before sunset" series type of back and forth getting to know each other dialogue...a continual devils advocate conversation about difference of cultures...with no disrespect....and forcing one another to find answers from within...to find the right words to describe emotions and cultural idiosyncrasies in a linear and rational manner.  in the end, while you find answers through conversation...you learn a lot more about yourself.  to which i had this conversation afterwards...

i can't really remember the specifics of the conversation.  but i do remember hearing myself speak.  i do remember having to use a lot of english in a more eloquent manner than im typically used to in asia.  i remember not only having to pull out diction...but also frame my current life in words which i hadn't done since the previous summer...and it didn't stop there...he pressed my answers...asking..."why don't you just do this???"  why don't you just be yourself regardless of the passive aggression...don't perpetuate that bamboo ceiling....and as i tried accept asian obedience for what its worth...i realized...he was right.  i just needed to be me.

and that prompted a later convo with simon....

"hi...since i haven't blogged in a while...i was thinking about that today actually....i was stuck in traffic for a long time and my friend was in the car...and as we were updating each other on life...i realized i'm in a happier and better place now since i don't have that angst to be constantly posting....solace in the blog..."

"i travel a lot.  i'm away from friends and family.  i'm alone a lot.  i see a lot of random things.  my mind juxtaposes a lot of things i've seen.  and while im seeing life and circumstance in many forms i'm taking a lot of risks with my life being in all these places.  i reflect on regrets both professionally and personally.  and mistakes are humbling experiences...and with a lot of people not understand where i come from or why i do what i do....judgement makes it hard to share.  embarrassment makes it hard to share.  and a lot of the times...it's just that there's no one around to share with.  and so i use this space to let it all out."

"i'm hopefully wiser now. a bit jaded.  but i've gotta be smarter. the only thing to do is to keep chugging away and stay positive.  and hope for a little bit of luck.  i've always had a lot of facets of who i am...and i've spent a lot of time to develop all of them.  and lucky enough to have the opportunity to do so.  (even at the expense of forgetting where i come from).  i need to find a way to bring it all together.  socially and professionally...i've been catering too much to what people think of me. for a lot of reasons.  in actuality,  i haven't changed that much as a person.  but i'm just tweaking my outside and age has helped me meld a more conservative impression, tho my lifestyle says otherwise...i've spent enough time doing trial and error.  moving forward i'm just going to be me.  the rest should follow."