korea

over a 2 week span, all i did was stress about which job to take and roll around on the floor facebook-ing and catching up on this blog.  and as confused as i was about my job, my mom was even more confused about much more.  confused about my job for starters, and probably even more confused about the lee's.  "我知道你要跟她結婚。。。“ of course then im following that up with..."喔，今天是情人節。。。我跟魯伊沙姐吃飯”。。。and then there's...."媽，陸伊沙姐跟他媽也來上海。。。我明天跟他們有事。“  and after 2 weeks of going to sleep drunk.  waking up hungover.  and going back out again to drink...i had a few nights where i knew why i was drinking myself into oblivion.  i was nervous.  i was excited.  not the 2 combined.  but 2 separate worries of happiness and uncertainty.

"i feel like it could go either way" - mcho80.

"u might end up hating koreans after this" - anon

“兒子。。。還有第二件事我要跟你講，你搬去韓國啊。。。要小心韓國女生。。。” - mom.

"there's a whole, "i can't believe it's happening" + "about time" feeling behind your move." - 李偉寧。

there was that one wednesday night, that just kind of blurred into the next 5 days, where i came home hugging the toilet all night.  i don't know why i decided to drink that entire 3rd bottle on my own, but i just did.  and the only explanation i had for it. was the above...either way, it's all in hindsight now.  "on to the next" - echang.

there are two schools of thought when moving "on to the next".  one being the self preservation of "out of sight/out of mind".  then there's the "i want to know it all, cuz that's how i gauge my feelings.  and that's how i can practice to get over things.  every time i get hurtful information i get better at absorbing it"...i've been an avid practicer of the former however, it may appear that since i never fully face emotions head on, or at first impact...i never truly get over it.  i keep moving so inertia pushes time and distances further away increasing the grieving denominator.  this practice, alongside an open minded view of human nature and (a ton of specific intangibles) has ultimately led to this current "exception to the rule: we just get along and want to see each other happy..."  (esp when u're starting to see divorcees and single moms in your life.)