inception

recently, it's not only that i've had trouble sleeping, had trouble waking up.  it's that i don't want to wake up.  it's not only that i don't want to wake up.  it's that i want to stay in my dream.  (ironically enough, i had a very vivid dream about being in a plane that crashed into shallow clear waters upside down right before reaching south africa.)   and two nights ago, i had another vivid dream about attending a football game, entering the stadium through a circus ride gauntlet single file.   some in mine car rails...some in a slaughter house single file.  steam arbitrarily spitting from the bottom killing randoms,  while VIPs were safely filtered to the box suites.  with an insider tip,  we left and hid out in a back office and as the stadiums inaugural torch was lit, so did the 2nd tier bleacher explode....igniting the domino combustion physics of explosions....and so why would i want to be stuck in this reality?  maybe cuz i know it's not reality?  and when the aches of dreams are realized.  then the reality of present is then harder to cope with....

i've been sick.  i don't know what it is.  it goes without saying that i've been drinking too much.  again maybe to cope with the above.  (i concur - a lame excuse).  i have this pain in my left side.   below the ribs but above the intestine.  not perfectly lateral, but seemingly on the edge of being the abdomen.  liver on right side.  kidney's in the back.  spleen on the left.  what the heck is this sharp pain that causes pain for me to cough, for me to get up, for me to move, and for me to essentially walk at anything faster than tortoise speed.  and why do i not want to go to the doctor?