i got inducted into the game of buffalo. whatever hope i had of still having a liver by 40 is completely gone. this game will be the death of me. (other than myself of course)...
after 2 hard nights at spark, my body was calling out for a break. it was sunday after all. a beer at dinner and i dont usually drink on sunday's anyway. not to mention my first meeting was earliest at noon. and so we went to dinner. 1949. duck for white people. duck was good. everything else was not. the others went home cuz they had an early meeting. i stayed out and went to d-lounge. GOOD PLACE. buffalo'ed on the first drink at the first sip. buffalo'ed on the third drink. then went to oyo. buffalo'ed on the first drink. second drink. went to eat. buffalo'ed on the beer. came home. DESTRADO.
my phone rang at 7. "alex, meeting is on. get to my office by 930".
faaAAAAAAK. head pounding i tried to get another hour of sleep in. i wake up. chung is taking his sweet time cuz apparently his morning meeting is cancelled and i've got about 20 minutes to shower and find a cab. just not enough time for your body to process it's way to the bathroom. and so i was so nauseous in the hour long cab ride in traffic to the office. no one in china drinks coffee and tea just wasn't cutting it. so i was sweating bullets in a suit. alcohol sweats. my voice was hoarse. and that beijing accent was giving me trouble understanding the full gist of the conversation. by 11, i was needing a bathroom.
hole in the floor. hole in the floor. hole in the floor. hole in the floor.
ok. i was desperate. but how do you do this? i've squatted in the woods before. but in a suit? how? how do you not get it on your clothes? and with pants on, i couldn't get a wide enough squat. and due to a short instep, i can't squat comfortably, my version is more a half squat. tougher on the quads, but that's how im built. but how to squat in a suit? how to squat with no toilet paper? and so i gave up and went to the next meeting. fidgeting. sweating. alcohol sweats. have to go to the bathroom sweats. suit too hot sweats. sun too bright sweats. why am i drinking tea sweats. trying to take notes and wiping my forehead constantly sweats. my light blue shirt is turning dark blue sweats. wretched.
and so we were off to lunch. i immediately peruse bathrooms on the first second and third floors. no porcelain gods. only holes in the floor. bathrooms aren't airconditioned. the food was ok. but how could i really eat, nor enjoy anything in this state. and lunch just got drawn out. and i just continued to suffer. stomach pains and gassy motions kind of went away for the time being, but experience managed that temporary relief knowing that in a short while, the 2nd wave would be much worse.
in between my 3rd and 4th meetings, i realized that the women's bathroom had toilets! SCORE. uhh...but it had no toilet seat cover!....but whatever. i could deal with that. NO TOILET PAPER? HOW? WHY? and while i rushed back to get some, my 4th meeting was already sitting on the table waiting. and so how do you reach over the desk, grab TP and go back to the bathroom, esp when you're already being introduced, shaking hands and exchanging business cards. and with a sigh, i grunted thru another hour of bulsh*t. (i'll elaborate on doing business in china later).
at this point, u need me to be telling this story in person for you to really feel the anguish of my bowel movements from last nights binge drinking, binge spicy food intake and a full day of discomfort. cuz not only could i sit still at 5pm on a monday afternoon, i had to then endure BEIJING rush hour traffic to the hotel...
i survived.
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