big brother.

i think im that person where when it rains it pours.  when things don't go right for me, it's always a long string of back to back to back events where u don't have enough time to recover from one miscue and another unfortunate event happens...and then maybe a mistake and then and then...so it'll be a month of stress.  2 months of funk.  i think i went through the same thing this same time the past 2 years running.  which always has me wondering, is it my karma?  have i done something that horrible for these events to line up one after another?  i didn't need to have stress then lose my sunglasses too did i?  and then step in a puddle?  and then step in dog sh*t?  and then lose my gym lock?  was that really necessary??

so part of this self inflection and with 30 approaching there's been conscious efforts to increase maturity and more importantly legitimacy.  I recently received a forwarded email from a peer  - "big brothers that can speak chinese needed for immigrant families in brooklyn".  i skimmed thru the EXTENSIVE criteria of screening process and obligation and without thinking 2x i quickly pushed forward my interest to sign up.

long online application.  orientation.  an hour long interview asking everything.  describe your parents.  family. occupation. siblings.  your relationship with your family.   how do you express anger.  how do you express love?  when was first sexual experience.  what is your sexual orientation.  what does physical abuse mean to you.  emotional abuse? alcohol? drugs? school? activities?  what would you do if your lil bro was needy and used you to buy him stuff?  there were so many scenarios of questions that required a stint of self reflection.

in closing i said "i assume that i come from a privileged and stable background where i can naturally and intrinsically enrich a distressed childs life and i see that there is a huge return for myself that i look forward to learning about myself."