making amends with korea

blogging is a way for me to vent silently and through self conversation and linear writing, i can find some kind of balance in emotions or a simple solution.  and being that i've been sporadic about my blogging is a good indication that since my time in korea, since coming out on my own i've been busy with life rather than the emblazoned bitterness that ate me apart the previous few years if not the past decade.

i've written it many times before, korea was a hard time for me.  mainly professionally, but working in korea bleeds your professional and social life together.  and i was bleeding angst whilst drinking excessively.  a year later, i was ready to make amends with the country that i can't seem to escape.  kim says i have an identity crisis and my other sister steph says "don't date a korea, but if i am go full korean.  none of that gyopo bullshit"

steph is a big reason i was able to let go of a lot of the bitterness.  even if you're korean, you have a hard time dealing with the cultural passive aggression...but you're better at accepting it as a universal truth of futility.  finally finding someone i could vent with that understood my perspective...added with a year break from the susul capital of the world, i began to enjoy again what was embedded in me all along.  soju, susul, vanity, drama and kpop

"men and women who have similar taste in music communicate better"

steph got us tickets to 히든싱어...i had been watching every available clip on the internet over and over again falling in love with 90s kpop all over again.  "you get so immersed trying to pick out who the real singer is that you forget that they are all absolutley amazing"  i landed...got questioned by immigration if i was korea...then used my woori bank card...and then my T money card...and found my way to stephs place like a citizen.  we headed to JTBC studios at 5 and ended up staying there until midnight.  a lot of talking, a lot of taping...very little singing...and JYP's singing along with the contestants singing were far below average compared the previous episodes.  korea is a country of zero natural resource and 100% human resource.  they take 10 minutes of singing and find a way to edit and repackage the show into a mesmerizing program.  susul is necessary and good thing i was dressed up.  but as much as i initially wanted to make 와우얼굴 and get a 감탄...i was just exhausted sitting there for so long...and so when we finished...we went to have soju.

i was excited for korea because i was excited for hidden singer.  and i was so uber excited for 김장!  i don't think people understand that i love food and i love to cook.  and when i say i want to help in the kitchen it's not for show, it's that i want to be in the kitchen all day helping and learning.  and cutting carrots and onions all day.  할머니 didn't have to cook everything for me to have to just rub kimchi with 고추장 for show.  that's not what i wanted, that's not what i signed myself up for.  either way...i stuffed my face with 보쌈 and i'm a natural kimchi mama.  =)

남행열차...ㅋㅋㅋ - we sat on the train...sharing fotos and talking about the male model.

it was my first time to 대구. i just wanted to see what it was about.  they say it's a shrinking city because of it's dwindling industry.  so as much as i was curious to see korea's 3rd largest city,  they were all curious as to why i wanted to see it.  maybe i just wanted to hear the 사투리...

대구배숙 - is koreans version of 山雞。。。or kampong chicken...

bulimics bing eat (gorge themselves beyond fullness).  and eat. and eat.  after these bing periods, during which they feel a complete lack of self control and an overwhelming sense of self-loathing, they use any measure possible, usually self-induced vomiting, laxatives, or exercise obsessively to prevent weight gain

during this episode of #bullimia nervousa - non purging type, the person has used other inappropriate compensatory behaviors, such as fasting or excessive exercise, but has not regularly engaged in self-induced vomiting or the misues of laxatives, diuretics, or enemas

"we're in asia, that is not a psycho eating disorder...that is just normal...asia doesn't know anything about anorexia or bulimia because that's just the norm....and in asia you would definitely get a plaque for over eating and purging...a thumbs up of approval" 

so to digest...we walked around the park...

i was supposed to leave on wednesday.  but of course it ended up being sunday.  so i spent the week in korea doing all the things i used to do, all the things i loved to do.  which meant drinking soju and eating.  doing a full skin care regiment every night accompanied by stillnox and 김탄  and 김밥.   i saw my old colleauges and i even saw janet for one night.  i met up with kummi twice and she's quite the drinker.