i wrote this last week in sing but never finished....

 

Before even writing this entry out, Ie spent probably a good week jotting down notes and hearing the narration of this self-inflection post in my head every night before I go to sleep.  Every night the words seem to flow, the phrases so eloquently perfect and the clich廥 seemed to find their niche automatically.  But now that the actual writing has arrived, I draw nothing but blanks.  This is my first indication as to the muddled state of mind I have been in.  gawd, just let me get this out in a clear form and Il feel much better about myself.

 

The 1^st person dialogue at this juncture of my life resonates not with the evin Arnold?tone (probably because I no longer coping with the tribulations of puberty), holden caufield voice doesn seem to fit into the scene, and Ie even tried to voiceover a Regis fillmans gameshow voice to put a sarcastic mocking spin on it but in the end the one that finally works best for now is my own.  The voice of my own confessional booth (do not associate this with reality tv booths), one of those long drawn out, head down pouring your guts out into the river kind of ordeals you see at the end of movies.  I lay there last night with the headphones on feeling like the bed was spinning and the camera just zoomed out above me while I sank into the sheets, thinking of this narrator.

 

I haven been able to write about the huge plateonic shifts in my life the past 2 months because I just haven been able to get a handle on it.  Il make the breathe stretch shake attempts, but nothing seemed to come together except the yearning for more.  Less the fear of not experiencing life, but the craving to seek and explore (haha, I almost typed sexplorehat too?).  I type this post from singapore right now as the around the world journey is slowing taking its path.  This also means that I have deferred from medical school for a year. 

 

Taking the tests and applying was the easy part.  Once the ball got rolling, you just kind of sat around waiting for the next steps of the procedure.  Problem was, when I was finally faced with a life-long decision, I wasn ready to take it due to my own curious nature.  Maybe too confident in my personal career prowess,  putting career on hold was not a big decision for me and I felt it in no way changed my future goals by doing what I was doing.

 

While I packed I found myself relating to Bilbo in tolkiens first book he hobbit?SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">  backpack and a cane and both scurred and ready to look for nothing but adventure in the world.